I went to a party
this evening. The conversation turned to message boards and chat rooms.
I said that I had learned more from these forums than in all my years
of studying. The key thing I had learned was that all our thoughts and
fears are just the same as anyone else's. My friend replied "Well my mother told me that when I was 5 years old."
I wish mine had! All
the years of therapy and studying, and all the hours I've spent helping
other people to come to the same conclusion. Any of you out there with
5 year old children, do them a favour. Tell them they're just the same
as anyone else, everyone has it tough and they have all the answers within
them. You could save them hundreds of pounds in therapy and years of misery!
Just felt I had to add my agreement to that statement! One thing I struggle with every day is a conflict in my head about whether I'm 'special' or 'different' or not. I certainly never felt special as a child (not from Mum anyway, only special when it fulfilled a need for her, or she could show off about me), but I also was never told that I was just the same as others either.
My mum seems to think she's the only woman in the world ever to have had a child (oh the hardship!), a job, a divorce, a parent die, any illness she can think of at the time, and so on... So my struggle is finding that line between allowing myself to feel 'special', and being like my Mum, who seriously seems to think that the whole world revolves around her and no-one else has ever had it as tough (in fact I know few people to have had it so easy...)
Anyway, a rambling comment (can you tell she upset me today lol) to say I totally agree - if I take anything from my Mum it will be to make sure that my kids know that they are special because of who they are, but also that everyone else is special, and everyone is just the same, with happy and sad, tough and easier times.
When I was 13 I had a pituitary tumor, they shaved half my head and left the rest of my hair dangling at my waiste. I do not know for sure why I started pulling my hair out but it was at that time, I always thought it had to do with my father, but 27 yrs later I am still doing it and not knowing why. I do know that when a child comes to you in tears , pleading for help that the parent should do what ever they can to help them and or get them the help they need. If the tricho was unknown at that time that is fine. But it has been known since. And until this last year, I thought that I was the ONLY person in this whole world who did this. I have felt ashamed, and still do, I am gettinf therapy, it hasnt helped yet, but she is also learning about this.
If anypne just needs someone to listen to, I will listen, I hope that all of you will do the same for others as well.
Only in the last year have I worked out that every one is equal.
I have had so many issues with all my friends, my brother, my boyfriends etc, that I am inferior to them.
Friends being prettier, chattier, able to flow with people. My brother being highly intelligent in every subject, brilliant at sports as well as being a genuinely nice person - so infuriating.
Also I've had more periods of being unemployed than employed. People think it's easy to get jobs, others land on their feet into well paid roles/or one that uses their best skills, so easily. Well it's not easy but I have quiet determination. Everything at the right time and everything for a reason - good and bad.
I'm glad my life hasn't been the 'easy route' cos I can appreciate so much more. But this year, when I realised everyone was equal, it was so interesting. I was working in an office job and suddenly felt why do I have to drop 'me' just because you are a 'manager' or higher. We are all equal. I see no hierachical difference. You are someones daughter/son/aunt/best man. We're so similar. Step out the immediate picture and look back in!