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Posted on Monday, February 17 @ 15:19:04 UTC by Neomie
and other trichster general chit-chat
It’s a cold day, and from behind a bundle of flowers, a trichster can be heard to shout at her partner, “You don’t love me you b@st@rd”. Meanwhile, unassisted, the poor man is struggling to cram umpteen shopping bags into the car.
I witnessed this scene this morning in a car park. The person shouting, I recognised as someone who had come along to see me for a pre-therapy consultation and had never bothered to turn up for her appointment..
My friend, who was with me, turned to me and said “Well that sort of behaviour should help him love her, NOT!!!”
My friend, not a trichster, couldn’t understand the girl’s outburst..
I’ve been there a thousand times myself, stirring up the trouble in my own relationship!
Let’s look at the evidence : He’s there with her, loading the shopping in to the car while she stands there with an armful of flowers. He has probably bought her flowers; he puts up with her bad behaviour AND her pushing him away … you know, I’d hazard a guess that’s probably love.
Why can’t she see it?
In general, trichsters have pretty radical mood swings and have some very real challenges feeling loved – probably because most of us didn’t feel very loved as children and have somehow decided we don’t deserve love.
“You don’t love me, you b@st@rd” will attract drama and insecurity – surprisingly situations very familiar to the trichster : in fact, her comfort zone. Her maladaptive manipulation technique to get him to say that he loves her, is bound to fill the poor guy with resentment. It is completely futile, because unless he repeats an endless loop of “I love you babe”, she’s STILL not going to feel it and truly feel loved and cherished, armful of flowers or not.
The love that she seeks comes from within. If she’d bothered to turn up for her therapy, she might have learned that. I felt her husband’s frustration myself as there was nothing I could do but get into my car and drive away.
I always felt very loved when I was a child, but something went a little crazy inside me when I discovered my best friend's dad had been raping her sister for years. My relationship with my dad - who was the most wonderful dad you could ever ask for - deteriorated badly, even though I didn't understand why. He died when I was 17, before I ever had a chance to sort things out with him. The thing that went crazy inside me lay dormant until a couple of years ago, when I very suddenly became very depressed and started pushing my husband away. He's stuck by me and we're still together, but it's only very recently that we've started getting stronger together - how we've made it this far I don't know! About a year ago the trich started. My point, which it's taking me a very long time to make (sorry!) is that it's kind of a relief to realise that I'm not alone in pushing away the person who really loves me, and at the same time craving love.
[No Subject] by ladystardust on Thursday, April 03 @ 13:22:12 UTC
It's so true. I don't feel as if I am worthy of love, and never will be. I don't expect to ever find a boyfriend, nor a husband. I push people away, and lose others, simply because I am positive that they'll break up with me, giving me more of a reason not to date. I am anti-social and very boring; people don't like that. I'm the rock in the garden that everyone sees but doesn't touch, simply because it's easier to just leave it by itself than throw it aside, with the others.
"My words are drops of water on a burning stone; they touch you, evaporate, and are left unknown." ~B'Elanna
(I have finally come up with a quote that describes my entire life.)
Re: You don’t love me you b@st@rd (Score: 1) by charisma on Wednesday, May 26 @ 11:04:59 UTC (User Info | Send a Message)
Reading this bought a tear to my eye as stories like these have dominated my life. I have virtually destroyed my relationship through my insecurities. I have constantly questioned whether or not he loves me, up until recently he has always said 'yes of course I do'. Our last few arguments have been such a blow to the stomach he has actually said 'I don't know'. ' I thought I did but you constantly tell me I don't, I don't know what love is, you tell me your definition, it's only you who tells me I don't. My love is not good enough for you'.
It's so sad so because all I want is him to love me like he did, I feel like I never know what's real. I read some messages he had sent me last year, I can't bear to see what I ruined and what I’ll never have back and I hate that I never believed him either at the time.
Maybe that isn't trich-related behavior.... Who knows...
[No Subject] (Score: 0) by Anonymous on Tuesday, October 05 @ 16:51:58 UTC
I know this is ages out of date, but couldn't help but reply! How true it is. I feel so sorry for that poor bloke, yet know the how he must have felt. My parents have always loved me etc, and when they say that to me, I just can't seem to say it back with feeling, even tho' I do mean it, I can't help but start to imagine how hurt they must feel, which makes me feel pretty bad. I have had a few non-serious relationships with 3 different lads, and always felt 'trapped' and nervous around them, even though I knew them well and trusted them. I am very insecure about my body and a Chrsitian (as well as being under-age!),so won't sleep with my boy-friends etc so that puts lots of lads off anyway, they just don't take me for who i am, instead of what i am. I told a lad that I liked him recently, cos i trust him and knew he would stay my friend, and our friendship is much stronger now, but the feeling of rejection isn't worth going through,(even though he didn't intentionally reject me, its not his fault my feelings aren't returned) so I won't be doing that again. x.
It just describes me! Although I'm not quite as aggressive. I never knew my father which has left me feeling unloved and undeserving of it. I've just gone into a new relationship and deep down I'm freaking out completely because he hasn't said those 3 little words yet. But I know he has issues of his own which makes it hard for him to become close to anyone. I'm hoping this will make me stronger but it could be recipe for disaster?